Dear Fool,
I’m not exactly sure what made you think I can read minds but I can assure you, your sources were wrong. For the record, I don’t like mind games or feeling like I’m trapped in a desperate high school drama. My suggestion to you would be to either grow a brain or grow some balls. Right now you are lacking both and it is beyond frustrating.
Love Foolish Girl
dear dan,
apparently you went to iceland just to hang out online all day and send me a link to this blog. although this site obviously has potential, fuck you. you are an asshole. a asshole with enough money to fly to another country just to continue to annoy me.
-steph
Dear ex-girlfriend, No, not you. Or you. Yes, you. You know which one you are. When we’ve finally managed to stop talking - for an entire year, even! - you should not text me. You should especially not text me to ask if I’m at the concert you’re at. When I reply “no”, you should especially not reply with simply, ‘Cool.’ Cool that you were just asking? Or cool that you’re glad you don’t have to see me there? Don’t make me share those naked pictures with the internet.
-mike
dear whomever invented motion detectors on public restroom faucets and soap dispensers,
you could have done a better job, i’d honestly rather risk touching a “germ-laden” faucet than go from sink to sink waving my hands around like a jackass.
thanks for nothing, you hypochondriac motherfucker.
-dan
dear boss,
don’t tell me there’s no money for me to get a raise when you just promoted a retard.
-kevin
dear guy in the bathroom at work yesterday,
I hope you weren’t too freaked out when I chimed in and finished the line while you were singing Dean Martin’s “Sway.”
it’s just too good of a song for me to pass up.
P.S. - who the fuck sings while they’re taking a dump in a public bathroom, anyway?
-anon
dear douchebag driver from this morning,
i still feel like i have the shakes from you almost destroying me on the parkway. thanks for being so careful behind the wheel!
love, aimee
